How Can I Forget?
by IceCliff
Summary: If you love something, let it go. Suze loved him, and she let him go. If it was meant to be, Suze knows that something is missing from her life. Him. It will come back to you. She knew that she was supposed to meet someone. Will she spend her whole life w
1. Chapter 1

**How Can I Forget?**

Disclaimer: I am not Meg Cabot! I don't own any of these characters (except Morgan and whoever else I decide to make up)

Summary: _If you love something, let it go. _Suze loved him, and she let him go. _If it was meant to be,_ Suze knows that something is missing from her life. Him. _It will come back to you. _She knew that she was supposed to meet someone. Will she spend her whole life waiting for him?

"Suze!" My Mom called me from downstairs. "Wake up!" I sat up in my bed groggily. Ughh. My head. It killed. I looked around my room. Wait… wasn't someone supposed to be here? I looked to the window seat. A gentle breeze came through my open window. Wasn't it supposed to be closed?

"SUZE!"

"I'm coming!" I pulled on a brown mini skirt, a beige tank top and my prized leather jacket and ran downstairs.

"You're going to be late." Mom said, looking concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Um, what?"

Mom frowned, and I had probably just proved her point. "Honey, did something happen between you and Paul?"

Paul. I sighed. He was my boyfriend. I'll get into that later. "No. Nothing. Why?"

She stroked my face. "Honey, you've been crying all night."

I looked in the mirror near the door.

"Ouch." I said to the face staring back at me. Tear tracks full of eyeliner and mascara ran down my cheeks and my eyes were red and puffy.

"I don't remember crying…"

Mom looked at me like I was crazy. "Wash your face honey. Then get to school."

"Okay. See you later." I kissed her on the cheek as she went back into the TV room. To watch the early morning soaps, no doubt.

I washed my face, brushed my teeth and hair, applied makeup and only then was I ready to get to school.

"Bye!" I called into the house as I shut the door. The cool sea breeze hit me, and I began walking down the driveway to my car.

On the way to school, I thought about what Carmel might have looked like in Father D's days. Probably dirt roads, I mused. And a bunch of horses… and no electricity… outhouses… and ranches. Many, many ranches. Wait, Father D isn't that old. For Carmel to look like that, he would have had to be born in 1850…

I gasped as I felt a pang in my heart. 1850. My breathing went shallow, and I felt like crying. Don't ask me why. Your guess is as good as mine.

"Susannah! Why are you so late?" Father Dominic opened my car door for me.

"Thanks." I pulled my bag out of my car and slammed the door.

"Well?"

"Um… I don't know. Nothing bad. I guess I just… overslept." Father D frowned and started walking towards the Mission.

"Susannah, there are two things I should like to speak to you about." We walked into his office. Once I was comfortably seated in one of his brown leather chairs, he began.

"The first. Is something strange happened last night."

"What do you mean?" For some reason, last night was a complete blank to me.

"Susannah… did you and Paul… do something?"

"What type of something are we referring to?"

"Something that might have changed… er, history? Something isn't right Susannah. Don't you feel it?"

Something _was_ out of order. But I didn't know what, and I was just too lazy to go and try to fix it. It couldn't be all that important anyway.

"I don't know Father D. I can't really remember last night."

He gave me a weird look. "Perhaps we will call in Mr. Slater."

For some reason I dreaded seeing or talking to my boyfriend. "Not now Father. What was the other thing you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Oh. Right." He smiled. "I'm very proud to say that the Mission has accepted a new student."

"Oh?" I asked, not really caring. Why was he telling me this?

But his excitement grew as he told me. "Yes. He is of Catholic Spanish background." Spanish…. Something about Spanish guys gave me a pleasant chill. Which is weird because the last time I checked, Paul was Caucasian. "He has won several academic awards."

"Sounds like a smart as… a dictionary! Smart as a dictionary!" Father D realized that I was about to slip some unholy words.

"Susannah." He warned. "There is no need-"

"To use language like that. Yeah, yeah I know. So when's the walking dictionary coming anyway?"

"Tomorrow. And I tell you only because I'd like you to show him around the school. Get him introduced to everyone…. And… Susannah," Father D's voice got lower. "He is a mediator."

"Really?" This kid had everything going for him… smarts, background, ability to talk to the dead… not that I considered that a blessing, but still.

"I think that Mr… eh, De Silva should prove himself a very useful asset."

_De Silva._ I had never heard the name, but it made me feel flushed. _De Silva_. It reminded me of… someone. Someone who would have dark flashing eyes, and washboard abs….

"Now, Susannah, I would like you to get to class. You have already missed homeroom." He sighed.

"Okay, see you Father D."

I walked out of his office and into the mission breezeway. It was chilly even though it was nearing the end of spring. (A/n I have no idea what time of year it was so live with it.)

"Suze." Paul came out of nowhere.

"Geez, are you trying to give me a heart attack?" I turned to face my boyfriend. He searched my face.

"Why are you so late?"

"I overslept…" Paul gave a slight smile. He wrapped his arms around me.

"Oh, Suze…" He leaned in to kiss me. As his lips touched mine, I felt like pulling away. But at the same time I felt myself melting into his kiss. I mean, Paul had a lot going for him. He had the looks, the baby blues, and the kissing technique… and of course he had me…

Paul pulled away. I reached for him.

"Don't stop." I muttered, moving my lips along his. I felt Paul smiled against me.

"Suze." He breathed. "I'm so happy we're together…"

I pulled away and smiled at him. "So am I." It wasn't often I saw Paul truly happy like this. His eyes light up and his whole face transformed.

"Come on," he said, "let's go to first period."

I followed him down the corridor.

_"Susannah." _

I jerked suddenly, in the middle of English class, freaking everyone out.

"Suze, are you okay?" Cee Cee whispered to me.

"Yeah…" I glanced around me, "I'm fine."

The voice was smooth and silky. And the way it had sounded… it gave me pleasant tingles up my spine to think about it.

I looked up and saw that Paul was giving me an odd look. I smiled at him.

"Suze-" He began.

"Mr. Slater!" The English teacher boomed out. It was common knowledge that Mr. Buck had it in for Paul. I tried to hold in my laughter.

"What is the meaning of this?" He yelled, throwing his chalk at the window, breaking it. Geez, the guy had some arm strength.

"I think," Paul said, " that it means you'll have to pay for that window."

The whole class burst out laughing. Mr. Buck fumed. "CLASS DISMISSED!" His face could not have been any redder.

"Nice one." I said to my boyfriend as we were walking out.

He gave me his trademark 'Paul' smile.

He followed me to my locker, where I needed to dispose of my English books.

"Suze-" He didn't continue.

"What?" I asked, shutting my locker and looking up at him.

"Suze…" His gorgeous blue eyes took on a strange sort of glow. "I just want you to know… that I love you."

(A/N This little section was taking from pages 212-213 from Haunted by Meg Cabot, so I don't get sued or anything )

""_Susannah," He said. His dark eyes- each one containing a tine star of white where my bedroom reflected off them- bore into mine._

"_Susannah I-""_

I blinked, and the brown eyes were gone. Instead Paul was giving me a strange look.

"Suze?"

"Paul…" I looked into his tender eyes. So long I had waited to here him say that. I smiled.

"Paul, I love you too."

He drew me into a tight hug. "Suze, nothing can ever split us apart. Promise me that."

"Never." I said. The fear of losing him clutched my heart. "I promise."

PAUL'S POV

Dammit. He just won't go away will he? Father Dominic is so excited about how St. De Silva who's coming tomorrow. I mean geez. Shouldn't the guy be living the time of his life with good ole Maria?

Suze didn't remember him, obviously. I was the only one who remembered Rico because I had no attachments to him whatsoever.

It was great. Suze finally loved me as much as I loved her. And no reincarnated cowboy was going to change that.

"Suze-" She closed her locker door and looked at me expectantly. We had just come from class where I had totally owned the teacher.

"Suze…" I loved her. It was time she finally knew that. And this time there would be no Jesse to mess it up.

"I just want you to know… that I love you." Her gorgeous green eyes, which had been staring at mine, suddenly defocused, and she looked aeons away. Then she blinked and looked at me again.

"Suze?" What was going on? I had heard during last period… he called her name. She was freaked by it, but she didn't remember. There was no way she could. He was never a ghost dammit! The papers never said anything about this! Why is this happening?

"Paul…" Her eyes softened. She smiled. "Paul, I love you too." My heart melted. I hugged her to me tightly.

"Suze, nothing can ever split us apart. Promise me that." I wouldn't lose her again. Never.

"Never." She said, mirroring my thoughts. "I promise."


	2. Chapter 2

**How Can I Forget?**

Disclaimer: I am not Meg Cabot! I don't own any of these characters (except Morgan and whoever else I decide to make up)

Summary: _If you love something, let it go. _Suze loved him, and she let him go. _If it was meant to be,_ Suze knows that something is missing from her life. Him. _It will come back to you. _She knew that she was supposed to meet someone. Will she spend her whole life waiting for him?

**Okay… I don't know if I really like this chapter, but I like the end… hee hee cliffie! Annyway… um, yeah review and tell me if you like it because my only aim in life is to please my readers! **

**And thank you to Melissa Trent and starrynightdreamer for reviewing! Starry you were right! I love reviews, especially long ones, lol!**

"_Susannah, you must know its better this way." "I'm telling you Querida, that boy is trouble." "Is that what you thought? That I wanted to leave?" "Susannah, did something… happen between the two of you?" "That kiss…"_

I sat straight up in bed, scared half to death by the blaring sound of my alarm clock. I reached up to push a piece of hair behind my ear when I felt my face. It was wet. I brushed a few tears from my cheek and stumbled into the bathroom. I flicked on the lights. Wow… I really did a number on myself. I washed my face and then went into my closet to decide what to wear. But as I flipped through my clothes, it wouldn't stop bothering me. The fact that I couldn't remember anything from my dream. Except a voice… but it was a fleeting memory and it was soon gone. I had no idea why I was crying.

"Suze?" I looked up to see my Dad forming in front of me.

"Hey Dad." I said, holding up a shirt and skirt combination to see how they went. I shook my head and but them back in my closet. "Whats up?"

"Suze-"

I looked up at him. He looked extremely serious. "I'm sorry." He said.

I stopped what I was doing and looked up at his shimmering form. "Why?"

"You were right Suze."

"About what?"

"Just remember the saying." He said.

"What saying?" He began to fade. "Wait, Dad-" He completely disappeared. Geez. Is that all ghosts are good for? Disappearing? I mean, I remember when J… I suddenly couldn't remember it. It was like a memory in the back of my mind and the moment I remembered it the slate was wiped clean. It was starting to bother me. First the blank dream, then the mystery tears. Then my Dad goes all cryptic on me, and now I can't remember anything. It was kind of like that girl in 50 First Dates. But this wasn't a movie. This was my life. And right now I was screwed because I was late for school.

"Hector? This is Susannah. Susannah? This is Hector."

Hector was smiling down at me. I felt like I knew him… but I had never seen him in my life. I would never forget someone that looked like _this_.

"Hello Susannah." That voice! So silky and sexy… the way he said my name… BAD SUZE. Think Paul. Paul, your boyfriend. Paul. Paul Slater. Boyfriend.

I was actually repeating his name under my breath.

"Um. Yeah." I said brilliantly. "You can call me Suze."

He looked embarrassed. "Oh, I'm sorry… I thought since _Padre_ called you that…"

I smiled slightly. "Its okay." He grinned at me… wow did he have a good smile…

Father Dom cleared his voice. "Susannah, you may skip first… well, second I guess, and show Hector around. Then during lunch, I should like the two of you, along with Paul, to come back to my office."

"Okay, bye Father D."

"Goodbye _Padre_."

I shut the door to the office.

"So… Hector." I said, looking at him. "What brings you to the mission?"

He blinked. "Something drew me to this place."

I gave him a long look. "Okay. I was expecting something more along the lines of 'It's a Catholic school whoop-de-doo my dream school.' Or even, 'My parents made me.'"

He laughed. I liked his laughed. It brought back good memories. Wait, what am I talking about? Again with the wiped clean slate thing!

"No but really Suze. You are a mediator, like me. Isn't there something about this place that… draws you to it?"

"Um, no." Up front of Blunt, that's me.

He stopped walking, and I did too. We made eye contact. Images of a ghost, a cat, and the Mission graveyard shot through my head as he held my gaze.

"Um…"

"Suze!"

I turned at the sound of my boyfriend's voice.

"Hey Paul." I said, blushing.

He came towards me, sweeping me into a large hug.

"Why were you so late? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I whispered into his shirt. I breathed in his cologne. It was so intoxicating. So Paul…

He kissed me. And then he looked up and noticed Hector standed behind me.

"Oh yeah, Paul, this is Hector. He's a new student…" I trailed off as I saw the expression on Paul's face. It had suddenly turned sour, as if my lip-gloss had been lemon flavored instead of strawberry.

Hector seemed a bit put-off my Paul, but nevertheless stuck out his hand. "Hello Paul."

Paul continued to glare at him as he shook his hand. "Hello. _Hector_." A somewhat, well… evil smirk crept up Paul's features. It gave me a chill. Not a very pleasant one either.

"How long have you known Suze?" Hector asked, dropping Paul's hand.

Paul's smirk widened. "A long time."

Hector nodded. His eyes were an unreadable shade of brown. "I guess I'll see you two later then." He turned around to leave.

"Wait, Hector!" I reached out to touch his arm. His eyes met mine and another jolt of electricity went through me.

_"I am not mad Querida. Not at you."_

"Hey!" Paul pulled Hector's arm from mine. Hector looked somewhat pale.

"We're going to be late Suze." He dragged me down the hall, his voice having a slight edge to it.

HECTOR'S POV

Suze and I walked out of the _Padre's _office. "So… Hector." She said. "What brings you to the mission?"

I blinked, seeing a large room with a window seat in the corner in my mind's eye. "Something drew me to this place."

She gave me a strange look. "Okay. I was expecting something more along the lines of 'It's a Catholic school whoop-de-doo my dream school.' Or even, 'My parents made me.'"

I laughed slightly. She was funny, not to mention beautiful, and I couldn't help feeling drawn to her, also.

"No but really Suze." I said, looking down at her. "You are a mediator, like me. Isn't there something about this place that… draws you to it?"

"Um, no."

I stopped, and she walked up next to me. Her emerald eyes met my own brown ones and suddenly all I could see was a creepy hallway, one with millions of doors spreading out in every direction. And Suze was there, her hand reaching out to mine. We clasped hands. Mine was glowing.

"Um…"

"Suze!" I snapped out of my vision to a strangely familiar sounding voice.

I turned to see him, tall, tan guy, come up to Suze and give her a huge hug. I felt a twinge.

"Hey Paul." She said.

"Why were you so late? Are you okay?" Paul asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She whispered to him.

He leaned in to kiss her and I averted my eyes. I had such a desire for her, although I had never seen her in my life. I felt embarrassed by myself… but there was something about her. Something about the way she says my name, the way her hair falls into her eyes, that makes me want to kiss her and never let go.

"Oh yeah, Paul, this is Hector. He's a new student…" I looked up to see both Suze and her boyfriend looking up at me. Paul gave me an unexpected death glare.

I took his hand. "Hello Paul."

Paul glared at me, which made me feel a bit like a bug under a microscope. What had I ever done to this guy?

"Hello. _Hector_." He said my name as if it were funny. As if he knew something about me… as if he had control over me. It scared me.

"How long have you known Suze?" I asked politely.

Paul gave me a triumphant look. "A long time."

The meaning was apparent: _Stay away from Suze, she's mine._ I stepped away, feeling saddened. "I guess I'll see you two later then." I began to walk away.

"Wait, Hector." Suze's voice reached mine, and I felt her take my arm. I met her green eyes once again and I fell into them.

"Hey!" Paul broke off my contact with her, and I felt all of the blood drain from my face.

"We're going to be late Suze." Paul's voice was like ice as he dragged her down the corridor. I felt frozen in place.

"Now you remember, don't you?" I turned to see him. I knew the voice, remembered everything now.

"Come." He said, "Let's go to shadowland and we can discuss it." He winked at me as we began to dematerialize. "After all Jesse, now you are a shifter, not a ghost."


	3. Chapter 3

**How Can I Forget?**

Disclaimer: I am not Meg Cabot! I don't own any of these characters (except Morgan and whoever else I decide to make up)

Summary: _If you love something, let it go. _Suze loved him, and she let him go. _If it was meant to be,_ Suze knows that something is missing from her life. Him. _It will come back to you. _She knew that she was supposed to meet someone. Will she spend her whole life waiting for him?

**Hey guys, thanks for all of the reviews! **

**Melissa Trent- Thanks! Lol, Keep reviewing! **

**Mean-girl123- Paul's not exactly my best friend… That's all I'm going to say…**

**StoryLuver- Thanks! Keep reading! I love readers! lol **

**Tangopepperoni- Thanks! Happy reading!**

**Starrynightdreamer- Thanks! I love your reviews! Lol, I don't like like Paul… I love Jesse.. he is the man of my 1850's dreams! Lol… Keep reading!**

**JessesLatinaQuerida- Love your pen name! Thanks for the review! I'm not sure if I answered any of your questions in this chapter… but keep reading anyway!**

**Alright people… I really want to know if you like this chapter... I NEED TO KNOW… So in your reviews () pleaseeee give me feedback! I want to know if you thought this chapter was too long/too pointless/ good but you didn't like the end… or you loved it or what… PLEASE TELL ME!**

**Thanks… and read on!**

**

* * *

****Chapter Two: ""Wait, Hector." Suze's voice reached mine, and I felt her take my arm. I met her green eyes once again and I fell into them.**

**"Hey!" Paul broke off my contact with her, and I felt all of the blood drain from my face. **

**"We're going to be late Suze." Paul's voice was like ice as he dragged her down the corridor. I felt frozen in place. **

**"Now you remember, don't you?" I turned to see him. I knew the voice, remembered everything now. **

**"Come." He said, "Let's go to shadowland and we can discuss it." He winked at me as we began to dematerialize. "After all Jesse, now you are a shifter, not a ghost.""**

* * *

**Chapter Three:**

"Its not your fault." He said to me as we walked down the dark corridor I had come to know as Shadowland. I had to admit that it was a bit creepy, being here, but at the same time being alive.

"I should have known." I said, stopping and looking at him. "I could have stopped her from going back." I shook my head. "It was too dangerous. Diego could have hurt her."

"She did it because she loved you." I met his eyes and swallowed.

_Loved._

* * *

SUZE'S POV

"This is getting boring." I looked over to Paul who was seated next to me in History class. "Let's ditch this and go somewhere… quiet."

I smiled at him. "Lets go."

Paul raised his hand and asked for a bathroom pass. A few minutes later I did the same.

I closed the door to the room. I looked down the corridor.

"Paul?" A hand grabbed my waist from behind and I nearly screamed.

"Shh." He laughed at me, and then pulled me with him towards the closet.

"You nearly scared me to death!" I whispered as we entered the closet. He shut the door. It was too dark. I reached for the light switch when I felt his hand on mine.

"Suze," He said, his voice sending pleasant shivers down my spine. "Leave it." He pulled me towards him and pressed his lips against mine. I slipped my other hand around his neck and pulled him closer, sighing. Suddenly I pulled back.

"Ow!"

"Suze?" Paul sounded worried. "Suze what is it?"

"Ow." I said again, cradling my head in my arms. I had been hit with a killer headache out of nowhere.

Paul reached for the light switch and I blinked.

"Suze?" His voice was far away, and I couldn't see him. I felt suddenly scared what was happening to me?

I looked to my left. I was in… the Mission Graveyard? How did I get here…?

I walked down the narrow path. There was something here… something I knew well. Something I loved…

The tombstone loomed up at me, and I traced the engravings that were so dear to my heart.

"Here lies Hector "Jesse" De Silva, Beloved Son, Brother, and Friend" 

I felt a sharp pulling sensation as my headache increased I blinked again and suddenly I was back in the closet with Paul.

"Suze, are you okay? You just got pale."

He was giving me an odd look, one with concern and something else… something like… fear.

"I'm… fine, I just need some… air." I burst out of the room, running towards my locker. I leaned against it, closed my eyes and thought. I tried to call up the vision I had in the closet. It had been so real… so lifelike… I could feel the cool cement beneath my fingertips.

If only I could remember what the cement had been! I began walking down the hall, not completely sure where I was going. My legs took me outside towards the Mission Garden, and I knew what lay ahead. The graveyard.

Something about the graveyard, I knew, was part of the puzzle. It had an answer to all of these strange dreams and visions. I walked down the path. The feeling from my vision returned. There was something very dear to me that lied at the end of this road.

My legs stopped moving and I saw instantly recognized the spot from the vision. And I wasn't the only one there.

* * *

"Hello Father Dominic."

Father Dominic looked up at him. "Hello. What may I help you with? Have you any idea what's keeping you here?"

He smiled. "I'm not here to be mediated, Father." Father Dominic opened his mouth to speak. Another ghost materialized and his mouth hung open, his eyes becoming misty.

"You remember Morgan, don't you Father?"

"Dear God…" The Father whispered.

"Dominic," the ghost said in her crisp English accent, "we need your help."

"Morgan…" Dominic couldn't find words.

"Susannah needs your help." She said, again, beginning to fade along with him.

Dominic reached out for her across his desk. "Morgan!" His hands swiped at air.

For the first time in many years, the Father put his head down on his desk and cried.

* * *

HECTOR/JESSE'S POV

I could hear her coming up the walk. I wondered what she was doing here… unless she remembered…

But of course she didn't. Slater had made sure of _that_.

She looked up at my confusedly.

"Hector?"

I simply watched her, _mi querida_, as her beautiful features scrunched into confusion.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, "Shouldn't you be in class?"

I looked at her from across the stone, remembering a day when we were in a similar position… the day she admitted she loved me too. I swallowed. _Dios_, I missed her.

"Shouldn't you?" I asked neutrally.

She looked down and caught sight of the blank tombstone. She bent down and ran her fingers along the front.

"Why is there a blank tombstone? Why would they put a blank tombstone down?" She looked up at me, and I carefully avoided her eyes.

"I… guess they're going to carve it later…" I knew they wouldn't. As far as I could tell, I was very much alive, and in no need of a grave.

"Susan- Suze." I caught myself, sighing. I couldn't trust myself to be around her. I just… _Dios, la amé tanto._

"I… must go to class. I'll see you… later…" I felt her eyes on me as I retreated down the path, but I couldn't let myself look at her. I couldn't stand to see her eyes… her beautiful, full green eyes. I sighed. I was now alive, finally alive, and she didn't even remember me. We couldn't be together. My chest felt like it was ripping in two. I pushed the door open to the Mission and felt a breeze of cool air brush against my numb skin. His words came back to me, cold and unforgiving.

"_She did it because she loved you_."

* * *

PAUL'S POV

I walked into Father Dominic's office just as the lunch bell rung. I hadn't seen Suze since third period when she had run off, and I was slightly angry.

I walked into the Father's office and saw De Silva sitting there with the Father, sans Suze.

Father Dominic, I noticed, looked slightly pale and his eyes were somewhat red. Allergies. Thanks God I don't have them.

De Silva glanced up at me and I couldn't help glaring. He glared back which surprised me. _Excellent, _I thought, _He remembers. Where did I go wrong with this?_

"Paul." Father Dominic said, gesturing to the chair next to De Silva.

"I'll just go find Susannah, and then we can begin…" The Father left the room and I glanced at Jesse who was looking the other way.

"It hurts doesn't it?" I asked him, slightly smiling. If he remembered, I was going to make it my personal business to make his life a living hell.

He looked at me with those brown eyes I had come to despise.

"I do not wish to speak about it," he began, "with _you_."

"Who are you going to talk to then, huh, Rico?" I smirked at him, "You can't tell your precious _Susannah_ because _Susannah_ is mine."

Jesse's face turned dark, which use to scare me, I'll admit, a lot. But now, he didn't have the advantage. Because he was alive too. Sucker.

"That won't last long though, will it Slater?" His voice dripped icicles. "Because she will remember. And-"

"And _that_, my dear Jesse, is where you are wrong." I loved this. I had power, finally over both of them. "She won't remember. Not only did I get rid of you, Jesse. I knew you would come back, because you're that kind of pain in the butt. I made sure that she wouldn't remember you. Look it up. It's in the third chapter, Book Of The Dead. I'm sorry Jesse, you're screwed!"

He opened his mouth, probably to curse me off in Spanish or something, when Suze walked in, looking at hot as usual.

She regarded me with a smile and sat next to me.

"Hey." I whispered to her, as Father Dominic went to sit down.

"What happened with you?"

"Oh…" She said, looking towards Jesse. I frowned. "Nothing."

This was not good. What was going on? Goddammit, I thought, mentally stomping on the ground… or even better, De Silva's nose. He was supposed to be gone, DEAD! Or rather, alive, in his own time, 150 years ago!

I looked towards Father D, who was talking some crap about mediating ghosts, and helping them out. I had thought that I helped Jesse by giving him a life… in 1850!

Suze suddenly gripped her chair.

"Susannah?" I heard Father D ask. "Susannah are you alright…?"

Suze's face had gone pale. She shook her head vigorously back and forth. "A break," I heard her faintly whisper. What was _happening_? "from talking. Especially from talking…" Her body went limp, and I knew where she had gone. I was just about to shift to Shadowland when I felt the block. Something was keeping me from going with her. I cast a quick look at De Silva, who was staring at Suze with a strange look.

He walked over to her.

"De Silva I'm warning you-"

He ignored me and took her hand in his. Anger built up inside me. I was about to pound him when he spoke.

"Alright _Querida, _we don't have to talk." He then fainted too, going to shadowland with her.

_Dammit._ I thought, as I tried to shift. Then I saw Father Dominic looking at the three of us with a stunned expression. I sighed, and then shifted to my house instead.

The Book Of The Dead never said anything about this.

* * *

Right. Well I'm not sure if I like the end… but I love the beginning and the middle… or give me feedback and I'll give you chapter four:)

Love,

DarkeMacEwanWitch


	4. Chapter 4

**How Can I Forget?**

Disclaimer: I am not Meg Cabot! I don't own any of these characters (except Morgan and whoever else I decide to make up)

Summary: _If you love something, let it go. _Suze loved him, and she let him go. _If it was meant to be,_ Suze knows that something is missing from her life. Him. _It will come back to you. _She knew that she was supposed to meet someone. Will she spend her whole life waiting for him?

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**Chapter Three:**

**"Suze's face had gone pale. She shook her head vigorously back and forth. "A break," I heard her faintly whisper. What was _happening_? "from talking. Especially from talking…" Her body went limp, and I knew where she had gone. I was just about to shift to Shadowland when I felt the block. Something was keeping me from going with her. I cast a quick look at De Silva, who was staring at Suze with a strange look. **

**He walked over to her.**

**"De Silva I'm warning you-"**

**He ignored me and took her hand in his. Anger built up inside me. I was about to pound him when he spoke.**

**"Alright _Querida, _we don't have to talk." He then fainted too, going to shadowland with her.**

**_Dammit._ I thought, as I tried to shift. Then I saw Father Dominic looking at the three of us with a stunned expression. I sighed, and then shifted to my house instead.**

**The Book Of The Dead never said anything about this."**

* * *

I opened my eyes, and then closed them again. My head hurt so much.

"Umnnhh..." I groaned and then attempted to open my eyes again. Except when I did, I was no longer in Father D's office. No, I was in… um…

I looked around. Where was I? It was kind of creepy.

Alright, it was really creepy. There were these doors that lined both sides of the hallway and it stretched out infinitely in all directions.

I looked to my right and was startled to see Hector stand there, watching me.

"What happened?" I asked.

He blinked. "You don't remember this place?"

"No…. have I been here before?" I walked closer to him. "Because, I mean, this place is really creepy, and I'm pretty sure-I mean come on, just LOOK around- that I wouldn't forget a place like this. I-"

Hector cut my off with a slight laugh. "You're babbling."

I looked up at him. "Hey its not my fault. I mean just look around. Where the hell are we?"

"Shadowland." He whispered, his eyes dark and – I must admit- gorgeous. We stared at each other, and I allowed myself to realize just how gorgeously hot this man really was. (A/N Gorgeously hot Ha Ha Ha I made up a phrase. Okay back to the story)

I tried to tear my gaze from his. "H-how did we get here?"

He didn't answer me, just glanced around.

"Morgan?" He called. Just then, a tall blonde women-ghost, I should add- dressed in what looked like England in 1910 or so. She was very pretty.

Humph. The blondes always get the hot Latinos.

I so did not just think that.

She nodded at me.

"You must be Susannah." Definitely British. Hmm. I was jealous of her accent.

"Um, Suze will work-"

"Susannah," She continued, ignoring me. Well fine, I thought. I hope you have fun trying to run away from me in that corset! "I have been called up here because it is a matter of grave importance."

"Right," I said, "Like what?"

Hector let out a strange cough/sob type thing. I glanced at him, and then looked back and Morgan.

She too, had glanced at Hector. She sighed, and then spoke again. "I have asked Dominic for assistance in this task. You should trust him. You should trust me." She stared straight into my eyes. "You should trust Jesse. And no one else."

Then she disappeared, and I glanced towards Hector, who was giving me an odd look.

"Who's _Jesse_?"

* * *

"Dominic."

"Morgan!" Father Dominic jumped up from his desk at the sight of the ghost.

She sighed. "Dominic," She said gently, "Don't. I'm only here because I was called up. For Susannah."

He shook his head. "Morgan, I thought you were gone. I thought I would never see you again."

Morgan ran a ghostly hand down his cheek. "I'm not really here. Don't dwell on me. I thought you had moved on."

"Moved _on_?" The Father tried to contain his emotions. "I became a _priest_ because I couldn't move on."

Morgan sighed. "I'm sorry…" She trailed off as she began to dematerialize.

"Wait, Morgan!" Dominic desperately pulled her sleeve to him.

"Yes?"

"Why did you leave me?"

"I had to. It was my time to move on."

"I loved you."

The ghost met his eyes, and electric shot between the sets of blue eyes. Then she disappeared, and the Father was left with his own thoughts.

* * *

HECTOR/JESSE'S POV

"Who's _Jesse_?"

It's not my fault what happened next. All I can say, in my defense, is that I was getting fed up with her not remembering me. It hurt.

"_Nombre de Dios,_ Susannah!" I had her by her upper arms, my gentlemen- ness temporarily forgotten. "_I_ am Jesse! Do you not remember?"

She looked at me, somewhat frightened and wholly confused. "Wait- I thought your name was Hector…? And I… what did you call me?"

I sighed and let go of her. I loved her so much… and I couldn't have her. It was like a physical ache inside of me. Just that simple touch sent crazy shivers through out me. I just missed her so, so much. And she was in love with… _Slater_… "I'm sorry." I said, turning away from her and running a hand through my hair. I couldn't let her see the tears that were beginning to form in my eyes. "I… my name is Hector. My middle name is Jesse. You may call me Jesse."

I blinked and turned back to her. She nodded, her hair moving freely about her shoulders. "And… you should call me Suze. No one but Father D and your girlfriend call me Susannah."

"I think that I- _who_?" Girlfriend? What? _Dios, _why did she keep messing with my head?

"Your girlfriend." She said simply, shrugging. "That blonde chick. You know, Morgan."

"Susannah, I assure you. Morgan is not my girlfriend." I said this with the slightest bit of humor, although, in reality there was not much that was funny. Susannah had been and should still be my girlfriend. I remembered when she had fainted to shadowland... she had metioned the words before our first kiss... why had she done that?

She nodded. "Fair enough. So, Jesse." She smiled, and my heart melted. "You've got some 'splainin to do."

I shook my head, still not up-to-date with all of the 2005 slang. But I must admit, part of what I love about her is her modern-ness. "I have some _what_ to do?"

She made a face. "'Splainin. You know, like from _I Love Lucy_? Oh come on." She said when I didn't recognize the show. "Are you telling my you never use to watch _I Love Lucy_ when you were little?"

"Yes, _Querida_, that is what I am telling you."

She smirked, her eyes lighting up. "Wow, you are really weird… wait what did you call me?"

Oops.

* * *

PAUL'S POV

All right. If Jesse wants to play dirty, then let him. I've got a lot more tricks up my Ralph Lauren Polo then he'll ever have up his 1850's rancher's sleeve. Suze is mine, and there is no way he's getting her back from me.

Okay, phase one. Suze still doesn't remember anything, and I know that she still loves me. So, jealously is obviously the best way to go. I smirked to myself in the mirror, as I got ready for school that morning.

Phase one, jealously, starting right now.

I got into my car and drove to school, parking in one of the better spots. I hadn't seen Suze or Rico since the episode in Father D's office. But I was sure they would be at school. And Rico was going to pay. Yes, he was going to feel everything I felt when Suze was in love with him. Because I know her. When I break up with her, she's going to run to him for support. And then when we get back together, it'll be forever. This is a foolproof plan. Take that De Silva.

I walked into the breezeway smiling. I saw Suze at her locker and headed directly towards her.

"Hey Paul." She said, smiling at me. I didn't smile back, although the sight of her made me want to.

"Suze, we've got to talk."

She gave me an innocent look and closed her locker. "What's up?" She asked brightly, and I sighed. This was going to be harder than it seemed.

"I… we… um…" I stared into her eyes. Could I really give her up? I reached out to touch her face, when I saw Jesse out of the corner of my eye.

I straightened. "Suze, we need to break up."

Her eyes instantly darkened. "What?" Her voice was a low, harsh whisper.

"I'm sorry." I added, wanting to kick myself. She looked so forlorn….

"Paul-" Her eyes filled with tears. Crap. I couldn't take the waterworks from her. So instead I looked to the floor, feeling like I should be the dirt under it.

"What did I do wrong?" Came her strangled voice.

"Suze, really. I'm sorry." She was perfection, and I couldn't lie to her, so instead I walked off, ignoring the sob I heard from. It was hard. I felt like I had just gone and volunteered my heart for dissection.

But the plan must go on. Soon we will be together again, me and Suze.

I walked up to Kelly. She really disgusts me, but that wasn't the point. The point was that it would make Suze jealous.

"Hey baby." I said to her. She turned around and looked at me.

She smiled. "Hey Paul." She stretched out my name in one of those annoying flirty voices girls get sometimes. Suze never did that. That's why I love her.

"Do you wanna come over tonight?" I cooed, feeling lower and lower the more I betrayed Suze. "You, and me, and a fire." I smiled at her and leaned in closer. "And I nice, cozy couch."

She grinned at me and flipped her blond hair over her shoulder. "I'd love to. Can I catch a ride with you?"

"You bet." I said, winking at her before I went off in the other direction. Wow, I feel like crap.

And I was just seeing how much crap I actually felt like when he showed up. He really had a knack for popping up at times when I really didn't feel like talking to him. Not that I really ever did.

"What do you want de Silva?" I asked tiredly, to sad to fight.

"What did you do to Susannah? I believe the term is 'break up'?" He began firing questions at me. "Why would you ever leave Susannah?"

"Stay out of this Rico."

"How could you do that to her?"

That's it! I pushed him up against the locker. "I believe I just told you that it was none of your business!"

"When it comes to Susannah, it is my business."

"No! Don't you get it Jesse? She loves me! Me! She hardly even knows you! She thinks you've only known each other for two days!"

His face darkened. "I can tell her." He said. "I can tell her that you-"

"No you can't! Its called _Vergeet Altijd_. It's in The Book of The Dead. Read it Jesse, and then you'll see. There are no exceptions."

I smirked. I really was brilliant. I had covered all of my bases. Or so I had thought.

"I think Slater, that you should do your homework. Its in chapter Five. Her name is _De engel van Vergeet_. She is the exception."

Jesse pushed me off of him and walked confidently down the breezeway.

I glared after him, and the shifted home to my library. I pulled out The Book Of the Dead.

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**Wow… I think this chapter is sooo weird… and I really want reviews on it… lol I love reviews… Anyway… I want to know if you guys think this is too long… if its too repetitive… too pointless… to confusing.. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! Did you guys like my writing style? Is the story being too slow? Too fast? PLEASE GIVE ME REVIEWS ON THIS STUFF! I JUST WANT YOU GUYS TO LOVE IT!**

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	5. Chapter 5

**How Can I Forget?**

Disclaimer: I am not Meg Cabot! I don't own any of these characters (except Morgan and whoever else I decide to make up)

Summary: _If you love something, let it go. _Suze loved him, and she let him go. _If it was meant to be,_ Suze knows that something is missing from her life. Him. _It will come back to you. _She knew that she was supposed to meet someone. Will she spend her whole life waiting for him?

**La fonda- yeah, sorry about that, I'm trying to keep some mystery in it... Sooner or later it'll explain itself.**

**Starrynightdreamer- Yes, ha ha, Paul has mushrooms where his brain is lol… Wow, I love your reviews! I recently allowed anonymous reviews so… Wow… that's weird… when does the 4th book come out for you? Yes, I love Jesse. Heart wrenching indeed. Lol. Lol… you're so funny… anyway, look forward to faster updates! I'll look forward to your reviews!**

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**Chapter Four: ""No! Don't you get it Jesse? She loves me! Me! She hardly even knows you! She thinks you've only known each other for two days!" **

**His face darkened. "I can tell her." He said. "I can tell her that you-"**

**"No you can't! Its called _Vergeet Altijd_. It's in The Book of The Dead. Read it Jesse, and then you'll see. There are no exceptions."**

**I smirked. I really was brilliant. I had covered all of my bases. Or so I had thought.**

**"I think Slater, that you should do your homework. Its in chapter Five. Her name is _De engel van Vergeet_. She is the exception."**

**Jesse pushed me off of him and walked confidently down the breezeway.**

**I glared after him, and the shifted home to my library. I pulled out The Book Of the Dead."**

* * *

"Suze." I attempted to smile at the glowing man in front of me.

"Hey Dad."

"Suze why are you crying?"

Sniffle. "I'm not." Sniffle.

"Suze." He chided.

"Paul broke up with me."

"Oh." My Dad regarded me. "And you're sad because… _Paul _broke up with you?"

I looked up at him. Basically, my boyfriend who I loved had just dumped me for the bimbo Kelly (who I thought he hated) and my dad didn't even care?

"Yes! I-"

"Suze. Go talk to him."

"I can't Dad. It hurts too much. I mean he's going out with _Kelly_ now-"

My Dad had a strange look on his face. "I wasn't talking about Paul." And then he disappeared. I blinked, and then felt tears well up in my eyes. I really didn't need this right now. I didn't need my Dad to be cryptic; I didn't need him to not care… I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me they cared. I hurt so much.

"Susannah? Are you okay?" I turned to see Jesse looking at me with a strange expression. I gave him a watery smile, not even caring that he had called me by my full name. It was kind of sweet.

"Oh, _Querida_ don't cry." He said gently, using the 'kerida' word again. I had asked him what it meant yesterday when we were in Shadowland, and he had sidestepped the question, giving me a small smile that did not reach his eyes.

He enfolded me into his arms, and I began crying harder than before. I tightened my arms around him.

"What happened?" He asked.

"Paul." I felt him stiffen. "Broke up with me."

I had told him this yesterday. Jesse was silent for a second. When his voice came, it sounded different than it had before. "It's going to be alright Susannah." He pulled me closer to him. "He is not worth your tears.

"But he _is_." I argued. "I love him." I said quietly. Jesse went completely still. He pulled away from me and looked straight into my eyes. I felt paralyzed by his intense gaze.

"You…" Jesse blinked at me. "You love… _him_?"

I couldn't understand the look in his eyes. It was something I had never seen before. "Well…" I said, "Yeah…" Then I tightly shut my eyes against the pain of the sudden headache. I felt the tugging sensation and Jesse's face swirled way from me as an image of the rectory appeared. I saw myself throwing rocks at one of the windows for no apparent reason. Instead of freaking out because I was seeing myself do things, which was just a bit abnormal, I watched, knowing that this was part of the answer.

I saw a shimmer of light and then Jesse appeared, glowing. And that was just it, he was _glowing_. Jesse was a ghost.

"Susannah." He said softly to… well… me. He took the rocks from 'my' hand. "You don't have to bother with these. I knew you were here. I heard you calling."

I watched as Jesse stepped closer to 'me'.

"What is it Susannah?" He asked, and 'I' stared into his eyes.

'I' shrugged. "Just stopped by to say hi."

"At three in the morning?" Ghostly Jesse asked 'me'. "On a school night?" He seemed a bit amused, and I was more than curios. How had I met Jesse's ghost? Why _was_ he a ghost? Why had I gone to him at three in the morning? Why was he living at the rectory?

"Father D. asked me to pick up some cat food." 'I' held up a bag. "I didn't want Sister Ernestine to see me smuggling it in. She's not supposed to know about Spike."

"Cat food." A very amused Jesse's ghost said to 'me'. I couldn't help agreeing with him. What kind of moron was I? "Is that all?" 'I' was silent. Jesse pulled 'me' towards him.

"You're cold _querida._" He said, and my head start to hurt again, badly. "You're shivering…" His voice faded away and when I opened my eyes I found myself in Jesse's arms.

Except he wasn't glowing. It wasn't nighttime, and it certainly wasn't a tender moment. Jesse looked like his world had fallen apart.

"Jesse…" I said quietly, my head hurting even more. I tried to control my conflicting memories. I knew what I had seen in the visions… but I could hardly remember what had happened in the seconds before the vision. What had I said to make him look so forlorn?

"I…" I looked up at his unglowing face. It's not possible that he was a ghost. I mean, am I crazy or what?

But the memory kept bugging me. "Jesse," I asked slowly. "Did you ever have a cat named… Spike?"

* * *

"Hello again Father." He said, appearing, with Morgan at his side, in the Father's office.

Dominic instantly straightened at the sight Morgan.

"Yes?" Dominic asked.

"We need to start now." He said, slowly smiling. "Which means you will need to come with us."

"Where?" Dominic asked. "I have a job to tend to. I cannot-" Suddenly they found themselves all in Shadowland, and Dominic sighed.

"I guess I don't have much of a choice." He looked around. "What are we doing here?"

Morgan concentrated for a second, and Jesse appeared beside her.

"Morgan?" He questioned. And then he noticed a surprised Dominic standing in the hallway.

"Oh, _Padre_." Jesse said, nodding.

"Hector?" Dominic asked, confused. "What are you-"

"Dominic," He said, "His name is not Hector."

"What?" Dominic asked again.

Morgan gave a faint smile. "His name is Jesse."

Dominic's eyes went completely blank for a moment and then he gasped. "Jesse…"

He smiled. "I knew you would remember. Come, we have much to discuss."

* * *

JESSE'S POV

"Spike." I said, looking at the group. "It was a trigger of some sort. She remembers Spike."

"Spike was a cat," He said to me, "And hardly the thing we need her to remember."

I looked down.

Morgan cleared her throat. "Its progress. What did you say to trigger the vision? What was happening?"

"Oh," I said, feeling a bit nervous. I hadn't exactly followed the rules. "Well… she um… she had been crying, you see."

The group nodded. I gulped. "So I uh… hugged her…" I looked up to see two pairs of disapproving eyes. The _Padre_'s were completely focused on Morgan, which I found strange, but didn't question. I went on. "And then she uh… said that she loved… Slater." I stopped talking, feeling like I could die. Which I had done already, and let me tell you, it does not help with this kind of pain.

"Is that what triggered it?" Morgan asked conversationally in her English accent.

"I… guess…"

"What happened exactly before she went into the vision?" He asked.

"I looked into her eyes." I said, remembering their green, green color. "And I asked her if she loved him. She said-" I forced it out. "She said yes. And _that's_ when it happened."

"Have you any idea what the vision was?" He asked me.

"No… just that it had Spike in it."

He nodded, and then looked to Morgan, who also nodded. "I think," she said, "that we need to advance quickly. We are running out of time."

"Time?" I asked. I hadn't been aware that we had a time limit.

Morgan nodded uneasily. "Jesse, that's one thing we forgot to mention… Susannah... she… if she doesn't remember soon, she'll never remember."

I stared at her. "How soon," I whispered, "is soon?"

"Jesse," She said quietly, "We only have a week."

* * *

PAUL'S POV

"Suze. Hey." I walked up to her locker. I felt dirty. Last night I had invited Kelly over and… things got kind of out of hand. I wanted to die… just wanted to hold Suze.

She looked at me. "Hello, Paul." Then she shut her locker with a surprising amount of force and looked at me.

"What do you want?"

"To… say hi?" I offered inadequately.

She gave me a dull look. "Hi." She said, turning around to leave.

"Wait Suze-" I grabbed her arm and she shook it off, looking at me from over her shoulder.

"I don't want to talk to you Paul." She said, and then walked down the hall, leaving me alone.

"Paul!" I heard the way-too-enthusiastic voice call to me. I sighed. Why can't she leave me alone?

I ran a hand through my hair. "Uh, hey Kellie."

"Heyy." She stretched out the word and winked at me. I detangled myself from her.

"I gotta go…"

"Don't tell me you're chasing after _that_." I assumed she was referring to Suze.

"Hey, okay, don't talk about Suze like that."

Kellie gave me a blank look. "Like what?" Then I noticed that the person who had said it was glowing.

"Oh, uh, never mind." I said, brushing past her and grabbing the ghost's arm on the way.

"Hey!" She protested as I dragged her down the hall. I led her around the corner and then pressed her against the wall.

"Alright, who are you, what do you want?" I didn't have any patience left today.

She seemed taken aback. "I want what you want." She said. Then she made a face. "Well, mostly. I don't want Suze to remember."

"Why?" I asked surprised. Was I receiving help? I sent a thank you out to God.

"Because I want Jesse." She said plainly.

I blanched. Sure gets a lot of action for a once-dead cowboy. "And what about Suze?"

"I don't care what happens to her." She said, shrugging.

I nodded. "Alright. I think we can strike a deal. "I want Suze, you want Jesse. Perfectly simple."

She smiled, and then shook my hand. "Its good doing business with you, Mr. Slater."

I smiled. "The same to you…"

"Cami." She said. "Short for Camryn."

"Cool. I'll see you later than."

"Yep." She dematerialized.

* * *


End file.
